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This may be the case sometimes, but (and not bragging about my mage, because I know she is not the best thing around), my mage is built for damage. Plain and simple. My skills are empowered for damage, my stats are empowered for damage, and up until level 60, my equip was bought with damage in mind. I have yet to meet a tank my level that can keep agro with me around. Simply because of my build. And call me optimistic, but I do not think every tank I have partied with simply does not know how to play their tank. Also, you have to consider the fact that not all people can +9 their stuff or buy Charm and Defense from the cash shop. It does not mean that they do not know how to play their tank.
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NOPE is not the build that loses you aggro and NO u don't need a charm in order to hold aggro, i never use charms to grind in AoE parties (only use them when soloing). When the fighter keeps losing aggro constantly like 20%+ of the time is the fighter's fault (if u lose aggro 20% of the time that means 1 every 5 pulls u lose aggro and endanger/kill your mage and 1 out of 5 pulls is a horribly high ratio of losing aggro). NO MATTER WHAT THE MAGE BUILD IS aggro can be held. I held aggro when the mage in my party was full int with int equip and level 75+ (which means inferno 2), sure u lose aggro from time to time as it is impossible not to BUT THEY KEY is to not do it constantly. SO yeah if u haven't yet met a tank to hold aggro off u, that means u haven't yet to party a really good one ^^ no offence if some of the fighters that failed to hold aggro are your friends ^^. Also adding + to your armory will not aid u in holding aggro, will only help u survive attacks, and as far as +9 shield or weapon i dont' think i exagerate saying 80% of the people have at least 1 piece of +9, usually shield or weapon. In our days a +9 shield or +9 1hander are not very expensive (ingame currency) so whoever doesn't have one should get one.
One of the best tanks IF NOT THE BEST is Sheya, he has no problem whatsoever holding aggro off from the dps and the only class that pulls aggro off him are the full str fighters (skill spaming generates a lot more aggro than a mage).