Alot of that sounds very familiar to me.
In any case, it seems like you just had a bad experience or two with some asshats who don't know how the game is played. If giving advice on fear is "taking it too seriously" then the person who said that ought to have been kicked out of the party that second.
However, like O-Mie said, helping out is a one-sided thing. You don't expect anything back, but you help for the sake of helping. Otherwise your motives for helping in the first place would be questionable.
I've helped out quite a few people with different things, whether it be money, weapons, armor, or quests. (the last being the most common.) I do it daily, and I spend easily more time doing that than grinding these days.
The key to not getting frustrated over it is knowing when to turn someone down. You aren't obliged to help anyone, you choose to do so yourself.
