"Let me tell you something about Osama Bin Laden. We were best Muslims in religion school. I know right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... whatever. So then in eighth grade I started working on my first bomb which was totally amazing, but then it got praised & shipped to America & Osama was like, weirdly jealous of me. Like I would blow him off to work on my bomb & he'd be like "why didn't you write me back?" & then I'd be like "why are you so obsessed with me?" So then for my birthday which was an all turban camel ride party, I was like "Osama, I can't invite you... because... I think you're an Islam" I mean I couldn't have an Islam at my party, there were going to be Muslims in their turbans. I mean right? He was an ISLAM. So then his mum messaged my mum & started yelling at her, it was so retarded & then he dropped out of school because no one would talk to him & he came back in the fall & all of his beard was cut off & he was totally weird. & now I guess he's dead."
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