What if the biblical Rapture arrives...

[lamchopz]

... yet your pet, being soulless, can't come with you?

Have no fear because there's now:

http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Home_Page.html

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

As usual, we should always read the FAQs which address our most frequently asked questions (d'oh):

Q: Is this a Joke?
A: No. This is a serious offer to our Christian friends who believe in the Second Coming and honestly care about the future of their pets after the Rapture occurs.

Q: Do YOU believe in the Rapture.
A: As atheists we do not hold beliefs in the supernatural or a divine being. Thus, we do not believe in the Rapture. However, we respect the beliefs of others and are open to the possibility that our perspective could possibly be wrong.

Q: How do you ensure your representatives won't be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don't ensure it, they do. Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with
Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.

Q: Can I meet or communicate with my rescue representative?
A: Sorry, No. Our representatives' information are held in strict confidence.

Q: Can I be sure my name and information won't be misused or circulated?
A: We hold all information in complete confidence. Your name, street address, and email info are held only in the EE-BP data base. They are not provided to the respective rescue representative unless and until the Rapture actually occurs. Only the state, town , type and number of pets are known in advance to the rescue representatives for advanced logistical planning purposes.

Q: How can we trust that you'll honor your service agreement, afterall, you ARE atheists.
A: Being an atheist does not mean we lack morals or ethics. It just means we don't believe in God or gods. All of our representatives are normal folks who love and live for their family, are gainfully employed, and have friends of varying beliefs. Some of us are married to believers. Many of us volunteer our time at food banks, animal shelters, meals on wheels organizations, etc. We fully endorse the "Rule of Reciprocity", also known as "The Golden Rule." We just happen not to believe in God(s). Belief in God does not ensure righteousness, nor does non-belief imply immorality. Jesus understood this. Please reference Luke 10, re "The Good Samaritan."

Q: Will your representatives personally care for the rescued pets?
A: Yes. Some of our rescuers have the room and facilities to accommodate a very significant number of additional pets. Others can accommodate fewer. We will manage our number of subscribers to ensure that no pets will be overlooked, left out, or subjected to less than optimal care. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets will also coordinate with our member rescuers in adjacent states/regions to balance the pet load where necessary. All pets will live in loving homes, not in animal shelters or pet "mills".

Q: When the Rapture occurs, how long before my pet is rescued?
A: The timing is contingent on the number of subscribers we have in each state/region and travel distance. Our rescuers know that this is a time sensitive service. Pets' lives are at stake. We will limit the number of subscribers in each zone so that any given rescuer will not be over burdened. Naturally, we must anticipate that there will be widespread chaos and confusion immediately following the Rapture that could impact travel times. Thus, we are targeting a maximum of between 18- 24 hours from realization of the Rapture, to animal rescue.

Q: If my pet has special needs, can you accomodate them?
A: Yes. Our contract form includes room for specific care instructions, medications/dosages, preferred foods, even any favored pet toys that should be brought from your home to your pets new home. While we expect most animals to be stressed because of your absence etc., we do ask that if your pet is prone to aggressive behavior that you note this on the form so we can take precautions to ensure the rescuer's and your pet's safety.

Q: What if one of my family members are left behind. Will you still take posession of my pet?
A: That depends. When the rescuer arrives, if your loved one wants to retain possesion of the pet, the pet stays in the home. We expect in these circumstances that the pet will offer the family member some comfort and stability given the trauma of what has occurred. If the family member prefers, we will adopt the pet per our contract.

Q: How can your rescuers possibly pay for my pet's care for only $110.00?
A: The $110.00 initial fee for one pet is not for the cost of their care. It is to compensate the rescuers for their travel, cover website expenses, and provide a profit margin. The rescuers have agreed to adopt your pet as their own and care for them as they do their own pets, at their own expense.

[Hraesvelg]

Damn. Wish I would have thought of this. I wonder if I can steal their business model...

[Guest]

Seen http://www.youvebeenleftbehind.com/ ?

[Jikanu]

Lolz. Pets DO have souls. What nubs D<

*totally missed the point on purpose*

[Phantom Badger]

Thats Genius...

Hrae, if you steal their buisness model, give them a monthly fee instead of an initial fee, ofcourse I demand 10% of the total profits for the idea and the knowledge that I will take over the buisness after you croak. ;P