Okay, I've just watched the video, and I have to say: Good job!
You got the scenery, the music, the whole feeling of it was correctly placed and executed. However I do feel some things need to be pointed out:
1. Framerate. Your current framerate is rather low, which causes images to streak a little. I'm guessing that it's the PC you used which is not powerful enough to run Fiesta and Fraps (or whatever recording software you used) at the same time because in the video, your framerate jumps to high during still shots and to low during movement shots.
2. Voice actor. The guy leaned a little too close to the microphone during recording and that caused his voice to be recorded along with his breaths. Either he should move away a little next time, or use a shielding screen.
Keep it up guys. One day people will pay you to make professional game commercials like this one.
