Go Offtopic

[Pebbles]

I see offtopicness...

[Phantom Badger]

I see offtopicness...

......Lawl

[Spirit]

[Phantom Badger]

Is that Near from Death Note ? o.O

and NEVAR

[Pebbles]

My mom emailed me this...

UPS .....

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident. The last one is the best – do not read ahead – these are funny.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Pebbles]

And this.

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is
it considered rape or shoplifting?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's
only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on
luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours?
They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your
butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a
car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address
in the first place?

[Belaslav]

O.o

Baby oil...

[Pebbles]

O.o

Baby oil...

wut

[Hraesvelg]

Are Girl Scout cookies made from actual Girl Scouts?

[Lady-Loki]

PBJ