[Lady-Loki]

This subject just required a response from me for a number of reasons.

Background: Both of my children are from my first marriage. When my current husband & I had been married for about 9 years we decided to have a baby. He is an only child and had never married so to his knowledge has no children of his blood. We tried, tried and tried. We actually lost five pregnancies in the process. Trust me; there was lots of heartache and grief. The last pregnancy we were finally able to get quite a bit further along in the pregnancy through daily injections of a hormone. At about 14 weeks the doctors were concerned at what they saw in the ultra-sounds and scheduled an amniocentesis for as soon as I was far enough along. This is when the world seemed to collapse because that test came back with devastating results. Our baby had a rare and extreme genetic disorder that meant if she even made it to term and birth that she had absolutely no hope for any quality of life outside the womb. We were faced with following through the pregnancy or terminating. This was NOT an easy decision, especially for me who had been extremely vocal and adamant on abortion being wrong – plain and simple wrong. Problem is I had always taken my stand having never been faced with the decision I was facing at that time. We struggled, cried and prayed, prayed, cried and struggled and then cried, prayed and struggled some more. Based on her future or lack of, in addition to the additional emotional toll it takes on the entire family (because with the preceding losses it was more than just me suffering a loss, it was my husband and both of my children). Everyone suffered, cried and hurt deeply we finally reached the decision that it was better all around to bring the entire situation to an end as soon as possible which meant we would terminate.

At this point, if you are not of the same faith and belief as me please leave that out of this thread and keep to topic, however, my faith helped me through this because I did pray about it a lot and in the end because of unexpected delays getting the appointment with the doctors to let them know our decision the baby’s heart had stopped and the entire burden of the decision was lifted from me. I believe my God helped me through it and took the decision from me, but only after making me open my head to understanding.

I still did not have to make the decision but I now understood something very important: it is an individual decision that has to be made by the parents and perhaps some of their very immediate family because no one else in this world knows or understands what that families’ situation or circumstances are. Anyone who may have met me during that last month of pregnancy did not know of he 4 prior loses. They did not hear my children cry at night when they went to bed. They did not feel my pain or loss for months after each lost pregnancy. And they did not know how very much we wanted our baby. But based on that last month of pregnancy and the decision we faced they may have had the impression that we didn’t accept the child God gave us. We did, but we weighed all factors and the effects on us as a family along with her quality of life.

Let me also state, had the test indicated nothing more than a mental or physical impairment that could be lived with, that with a little extra effort there could be quality of life, we would have that child in this house today. Not only that, but I personally know someone who has a daughter with mental limitations caused by loss of oxygen during delivery. She has mental limitations and attended LD (Learning Disability) classes in school, but she is a high school graduate with a part time job. I also know someone whose son was born with a brain defect that caused him to have brain surgery in which part of the diseased brain was removed and he too, while having mental limitations and having attended LD (Learning Disability) classes in school, is a high school graduate. He is not employed but attends a day facility that specializes in activities for LD adults. He has also participated in, and medaled in, Special Olympics. And last but not least I work with someone whose son has Down Syndrome and he too attended LD (Learning Disability) classes in school, is a high school graduate, and he too attends the day facility for LD adults.

The point is these disabilities and situations do not have to be the end of life as we know it, and they just require slight modification from the way mainstream family living is accomplished.

All that to say, each individual, in light of their specific situation and conditions, will have to decide this when or if you have to face it (hopefully you will never have to face it). I don’t think you can decide ahead of time because you just don’t know what else will be influencing the decision if it has to be made.

P.S. Let it be known: I do NOT condone abortion as a means of birth control.