Pregnancy - Birth Defects
 

So I just had this conversation which reminded me of a question my mum asked once. It was a question I couldn't answer and I want to hear what you guys would do. (Yus, serious discussion here.)

Imagine you're happily married, financially (and emotionally) stable, and you've been planning on a baby with your significant other. The baby does eventually arrive, and you're all prepared for it. However, after doing a prenatal diagnosis, the doctor says that there is a possibility that your child may have birth defects (i.e. your child may have a genetic disorder like Down Syndrome).

Would you keep the baby, or abort it?

Some things to think about:

• The commitments you would need to make.
• How the society will treat your family.
• What your child may go through in the future (since they have feelings too, they may be negatively affected).
• The possibility that the doctor's assumption is wrong.
• The possibility that your next child could be fine.

I'm sure there's more factors to consider, but those are just some of it.

So yes, what would you do?

I'd probably have them go ahead with the birth. Mainly for religious reasons, and if there's a possibility that the doctor is wrong then, the child deserves a chance.

Isnt it a bit selfish? I mean, even if their is a chance that the kid is gonna be normal isnt just alone the risk selfish?
Think of the kid how it would live later on when it has this desease.
What life it would be? And besides, didnt you knew, before you get pregnant, that your kids are gonna have this kind of desease?
A very good information from doctors and psychologists and whats ever is gonna be needed to go through all this and then desited on a adoption. That is my oppinion.

Yeah, that's true. But then again, there's always those places and schools which help out with children with birth defects - and you get to meet others who are in the same situation as you. It could be hard, but it is possible to pull through after all.

That's a very difficult question. I don't think anybody really knows how they would handle a situation like that until they're actually faced with it, though. It would also depend heavily on your partner's views, I think. I hope the woman would consider the man's views on it as well even if it is her choice in the end.

I think if it was wholly for me to decide I would be as cold and logical about it as possible (I'm all too good at being that way). The biggest factor would be whether or not you're in a place in your own life that makes you capable of handling such a hard path, but since you said I'm financially and emotionally well off, (ah fantasy is nice), then I think I would want to try to do as much as possible for the child.

-OT 200th post and it was serious. O_o no more serious 'til 400 now.

Depends..
1. How far into my pregnancy I am.
2. If tests are able to be done to determine the chances.
3. What the disorder is.
4. If I can afford(financially) its medical expenses.

I'm very flip flopish on this subject. I wouldn't want to bring a child into this world if its going to suffer all of its life, from medical reasons and society. I'd feel like it was my fault, because I knew it was a possibility. I would give it all the love I can, but sometimes, that isn't enough for some people in the end. The burdens brought on to them might be too much.
But then again, everyone deserves a chance at life, and who am I to deny someone a life.

My nephew was born addicted to drugs(thanks to my sis), and its ultimately lead to him having many disorders, not any of the worst, but he has a bad case of ADHD, OCD, and something else, I forgot. He requires a lot of attention, not just because of his actions, but he himself likes it, and if he doesn't get it, he will go as far as setting stuff on fire, or cutting himself to get it. Note, hes only 6 years old. Alot of kids avoid him because of his behavior. Its not a lack of discipline, its just how he is. He has to take 3 differen't pills each day, and he has to go see a psychologist once a month.

He doesn't even have it that bad when it comes to disorders, but even he suffers. I couldn't imagine how it would be if it were something even more disabling.

.....does this have anything to do with the baby born with 4 arms and 4 legs?

I'm sure it doesn't lol.

Abortion may permenantly injure the pregnant one. I'm all against it.

This subject just required a response from me for a number of reasons.

Background: Both of my children are from my first marriage. When my current husband & I had been married for about 9 years we decided to have a baby. He is an only child and had never married so to his knowledge has no children of his blood. We tried, tried and tried. We actually lost five pregnancies in the process. Trust me; there was lots of heartache and grief. The last pregnancy we were finally able to get quite a bit further along in the pregnancy through daily injections of a hormone. At about 14 weeks the doctors were concerned at what they saw in the ultra-sounds and scheduled an amniocentesis for as soon as I was far enough along. This is when the world seemed to collapse because that test came back with devastating results. Our baby had a rare and extreme genetic disorder that meant if she even made it to term and birth that she had absolutely no hope for any quality of life outside the womb. We were faced with following through the pregnancy or terminating. This was NOT an easy decision, especially for me who had been extremely vocal and adamant on abortion being wrong – plain and simple wrong. Problem is I had always taken my stand having never been faced with the decision I was facing at that time. We struggled, cried and prayed, prayed, cried and struggled and then cried, prayed and struggled some more. Based on her future or lack of, in addition to the additional emotional toll it takes on the entire family (because with the preceding losses it was more than just me suffering a loss, it was my husband and both of my children). Everyone suffered, cried and hurt deeply we finally reached the decision that it was better all around to bring the entire situation to an end as soon as possible which meant we would terminate.

At this point, if you are not of the same faith and belief as me please leave that out of this thread and keep to topic, however, my faith helped me through this because I did pray about it a lot and in the end because of unexpected delays getting the appointment with the doctors to let them know our decision the baby’s heart had stopped and the entire burden of the decision was lifted from me. I believe my God helped me through it and took the decision from me, but only after making me open my head to understanding.

I still did not have to make the decision but I now understood something very important: it is an individual decision that has to be made by the parents and perhaps some of their very immediate family because no one else in this world knows or understands what that families’ situation or circumstances are. Anyone who may have met me during that last month of pregnancy did not know of he 4 prior loses. They did not hear my children cry at night when they went to bed. They did not feel my pain or loss for months after each lost pregnancy. And they did not know how very much we wanted our baby. But based on that last month of pregnancy and the decision we faced they may have had the impression that we didn’t accept the child God gave us. We did, but we weighed all factors and the effects on us as a family along with her quality of life.

Let me also state, had the test indicated nothing more than a mental or physical impairment that could be lived with, that with a little extra effort there could be quality of life, we would have that child in this house today. Not only that, but I personally know someone who has a daughter with mental limitations caused by loss of oxygen during delivery. She has mental limitations and attended LD (Learning Disability) classes in school, but she is a high school graduate with a part time job. I also know someone whose son was born with a brain defect that caused him to have brain surgery in which part of the diseased brain was removed and he too, while having mental limitations and having attended LD (Learning Disability) classes in school, is a high school graduate. He is not employed but attends a day facility that specializes in activities for LD adults. He has also participated in, and medaled in, Special Olympics. And last but not least I work with someone whose son has Down Syndrome and he too attended LD (Learning Disability) classes in school, is a high school graduate, and he too attends the day facility for LD adults.

The point is these disabilities and situations do not have to be the end of life as we know it, and they just require slight modification from the way mainstream family living is accomplished.

All that to say, each individual, in light of their specific situation and conditions, will have to decide this when or if you have to face it (hopefully you will never have to face it). I don’t think you can decide ahead of time because you just don’t know what else will be influencing the decision if it has to be made.

P.S. Let it be known: I do NOT condone abortion as a means of birth control.

This is going to turn into a pro-life vs pro-choice debate very soon.

Wow, Loki, reading your post made me watery eyed. >:

I think this is why my lecturer kept saying "People keep thinking pregnancy is something that just happens, something they take granted of... and they are terribly wrong". There are so many little things that can happen that will make a pregnancy go wrong, yet it's amazing how most women get to go through a pregnancy smoothly. And after knowing this, it makes the decision even harder to make.

I do, however, agree that it's hard to decide what you are going to do until you've faced the situation, and even then it would be hard.

I actually didn't take debate ^^ But I won't go as far as name calling in a debate, its respecful and common sence.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Wish you had my sisters luck ^^;; She's had 7 kids.

WOW 7! so everytime u talked about ur niece and nephews, its probably a different one each time? kekeke

Yeah this topic... is tough, i guess its different when u KNOW there's something wrong and when its just a CHANCE that something'll be wrong.

If it's a chance thing, i think i'll lean towards giving the baby chance, especially when you're already pregnant with it, i believe most mothers will already hv established a bond...?

If its for sure that something's gonna go wrong then.... i dunno... dont even want to think about it.... I'll deal with it as it comes.. if it comes.. hope it doesnt come...

i can imagine a VERY noisy and messy house with 12-17 kids!

Well.. my sister had her first kid when she was 15, unfortunately soon died. Then at 18, she had her second, this one survived, hes now 10, the next one was at 20, she put him up for adoption, she had met a couple that was in their 50s and couldn't have a baby, so she let him go to them. Then she had another at 22, she kept him, then one at 23, he is the one with all of the disorders, then one at 25, the one and only girl shes had other than the one that died, but soon after that, my sister got addicted to crack, so I was basically taking care of that baby, its sad being in your teens and having a baby call you mama. Then at 26, she had her last one, but at that time, she was having drug problems, well, she still is, but my parents had recently gotten custody of her 4 kids due to neglection and drug issues, also, the baby was born addicted to crack, so the court ordered that until she has proven to the courts that she has been clean for two years, has a job, and a home, her kids will be taken away and given to my parents. BUT.. my parents are in their 50s, had 4 of her kids already, and a 2 bedroom apartment. They couldn't take care of the kid. They had me taking care of it. I would get up in the middle of the night and feed it, and I'd care for it. One of my moms co workers, a lady in her 40s was trying to have a baby but she couldn't, so my mom offered to let her adopt the baby and she did.
My sister is currently in prison for 4 years for drug issues.

Ooo so you dont live with your parents? that's an amazing job you've got there... to be given responsibility but not as a result of something you did...

i suppose its not easy, but you must be proud of wat you've achieved!

So, what happened with the last child? did they hv to put him on rehab for a bit? i cant imagine baby hving to go through a rehab... =/

And i hope your sister is coming around and see that there's a lot more healthier stuff waiting for her =)

I still live with them. While they're at work, I watch my niece, and one of my nephews on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. One summer, well, for about 5 months, when I was 15, I was living with my sister though, to "help" her raise the kids. But she'd be sleeping or going to different places, while I sat in my room, taking care of my niece. Worst 5 months of my life. All I did was sit in my room, at my computer, with my niece in my lap. Coincidently I played MMO's to pass time. She seriously wouldn't let me eat. I'd have to hide food in my room, and that was things like bottled water and poptarts. And every night my mom would come get me and take me out to eat. I couldn't sneak into the kitchen to get food, she'd just start beating on me, or get my brother in law to carry me out. When school started, she tried convincing my mom to drop me out of school so I could help her. Eventually, my parents realized what was going on, so they filed for custody and took me and the kids.
And that is the story of my life lol. Its a lot more complicated, and a lot more things were happening, but that'd be a novel. But yeah.. That is why I am always on here, thats why I'm always at home. Thats why my niece and nephews are always here.

People seriously take such things for granted. My sister honestly admits she doesn't know which she cares more about, getting high or the kids. I'm more than certain she cares about her kids, but the drugs help with the guilt.

That's quite the life you've had there Yosei. One curious question though, when you said you had to get up in the middle of the night to feed your niece/nephew (forgot which one lol), did you mean....breast-feed? 0:

Anyway, there's no problem with old mom and dad's. My mom just had another son 13 years after she had my sister. And my parents are in there late 40's. Just think, when my brother will be my age, my parents will be well into their 60's.

@Lady-Loki, you made me cry. I love you!!!!

Lol, no, I fed it formula ;p

u cant really breast feed a kid.. unless u had the kid urself... =/

we dont just produce milk out of nowhere kekeke

o.0 Really? I see... Well I hope everything turns out well in the end for Yosei.